


Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?

by Emma_jay



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drama, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hate to Love, Jonas is an asshole, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Tumblr, but what's new, even is a sad angel, isak is a snake, probably, the whole package
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-04-19 15:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14240493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emma_jay/pseuds/Emma_jay
Summary: The one where a case of catfishing leads to everyone falling in love.





	1. Grow up!

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO AND WELCOME  
> I've been meaning to write this AU for so long now and it's finally here bc there are never enough hate to love fics am I right?  
> this is probably really shitty but I hope you enjoy.  
> Even's Instagram is @evenbech.n and it gets updated throughout the fic :)  
> BTW Isak and Sonja here are both in second grade while Even and Jonas are third graders

Jonas.

Isak’s Smart and lovely Jonas.

Bit of a cliché isn’t it? Falling in love with your best friend?

But Isak didn’t fall in love with his best friend.

They became best friends because Isak was in love with him. And Isak fell in love from the moment he met Jonas and everything following that was just too easy.

Becoming friends and then bestfriends and hopefully boyfriends soon.

Isak knew that Jonas liked him back. He had to like him back.

They first met in the school canteen when Isak was 13, when they both simultaneously ordered waffles, stared at eachother for a moment before smiling at eachother.

Becoming friends was so easy since they had so many things in common. It was even easier for Isak since Jonas was just the definition of perfection.

When Jonas asked Isak if he was gay he automatically said yes even though he wasn’t even sure about his sexuality yet, in hopes of Jonas telling him the same thing and realizing that he’s been in love with Isak this whole time.

Instead Jonas told him he was bi and never confessed to any hidden crush.

Jonas knew about Isak’s feelings, of course he did. The way Isak looked at him like the sun was shining out of his ass and the way he was literally throwing himself on Jonas’ lap whenever he was too needy or the way he became so jealous when Jonas was paying attention to someone else just said it all.

Everybody wanted Jonas and everybody loved Jonas but he only ever cared for Isak and Isak could get high on that. Isak was constantly high on that and the fact that Jonas still chose him despite all those people throwing themselves at him everyday. So Jonas definitely liked him back, he had to like him back. He flirted with Isak constantly, kissed his cheeks greeting him everytime, touched him so lightly that made Isak’s heart drop, texted him little red hearts and told Isak he was beautiful.

Jonas never made an actual move. He never told him he liked him back. But he had to like him back. Or at least, he used to.

There was this other guy in his life now.

Even.

Isak couldn’t really blame Jonas for liking Even.

Even was just perfect. From his stupid James Dean hair to his stupid camera and vintage jean jackets, his stupid aesthetic instagram page and his openly feminism, view on capitalism and pansexuality, he was just perfect. Confident, hot and intimidating, everything Isak could never be.

He couldn’t help but despise Even from the moment Jonas introduced Even as his new friend. He couldn’t help but want him gone from Jonas’ life and despite his obvious jealousy Jonas paid him no attention this time, so Isak just knew that Even was here to ruin his perfectly delusional little life in which Jonas was his boyfriend.

So that’s where Isak was right now. 17, sitting in Norwegian and still pining after his bestfriend after three years.

“Our bestfriends seem to be spending an awful lot of time together lately don’t you think?” Came Sonja’s voice from behind him.

“Ugh, tell your bestfriend to get his own and stop trying to steal mine,” Isak replied with a groan.

Sonja was Isak’s friend (kinda) and classmate at school and also Even’s bestfriend. Needless to say, she wasn’t too happy with their current situation either.

”What the hell? You can tell YOUR bestfriend that actually,” Sonja told him with a frown.

“Yeah but can’t you just, like tell him you don’t like him hanging out with Jonas or something so he can just, go away?”

Sonja rolled her eyes at that and stared at him like he was stupid.

”No Isak I can’t do that. I might not be happy with this but I’m 17, not a child. And Even hates it when other people try to control him. Maybe you can tell that to Jonas since this seems to have worked for you so far,”

”Yeah well it’s obviously not working this time,” Isak scoffed and turned around to face to the front of the class where the teacher had just entered.

Fuck Even.

 

***

  
”Do you wanna get kebab today after school?”

”Is Even gonna be there?”

”Yes Isak. He’s gonna be there,”

”No thanks.”

Jonas rolled his eyes and made a face at that.

”What is your problem honestly? Do you really have to act like a 5 year old everytime Even’s name comes up? Why can’t you just stop being child Isak?” He snapped at Isak with clear annoyance.

Isak stared at him in disbelief. This was new. Jonas would rarely ever snap.

“What are you even talking about? I just don’t wanna get kebab today,”

Jonas let out a bitter chuckle at that.

”Yeah sure, whatever.”

They stayed in an awkward silence for a few minutes before Jonas spoke up again.

“Why do you hate him so much Issy? He’s really a good person.”

Isak sighed and closed his eyes. He hated this conversation. He hated needing to have it. He hated everything. He hated Even.

“I don’t hate Even,” he replied with another sigh.

”you just always change personalities around him. And I know that he’s a good person. He’s almost perfect, he’s got the whole fucking package. I get it okay? It’s just that it’ll be so easy to replace me with him Jonas and I feel like you’re already doing that.”

Jonas was slightly gaping at him now but Isak needed this. He needed to hear Jonas say it. He needed Jonas to tell him that he was the only one and that he couldn’t ever be replaced, he needed Jonas to tell him that it was all in his head and that Even was nothing, he needed Jonas to-

“Maybe if you stopped acting like child Isak, it’d be actually harder to replace you. And stop being so fucking insecure all the time.”

No. This was not what he needed to hear. This wasn’t supposed to be what Jonas said.

With that Jonas got up from his seat and moved to sit on Even’s table leaving Isak alone with tears in his eyes.

Well, ouch.

 

***

  
Isak was going through Even’s Instagram for probably the thousandth time. He didn’t even have as many posts but he had just posted a picture with Jonas and Isak started hating him all over again and he just had to stalk him all over again.

Most of the stuff he posted were pretentious bullshit. Quotes about depression and being sad, pictures of weird paintings and statues.

Isak was fucking sad too for most times but was he going around posting fucking quotes about it all over the social media? No. But Even couldn’t just tone down the pretensions bullshit now could he?

he was just looking at his picture with a puppy again when his hand slipped and he quit Even’s page completely.

Fuck instagram. One wrong move with your fucking finger and suddenly you’re being sent to fucking mars or something.

He tapped on Even’s page again but.

but this time instead of the empty bio that was always there, there was a link to tumblr. Fuck, Even must have put that link on his bio just now.

Isak quickly memorized the address and refreshed the page again and the link was gone.

wow. Okay. This was intresting.

Isak felt like he had just gained access to the government’s biggest secret. Whatever it was that Even had on his tumblr blog, it was obvious that he didn’t want people to find out and Isak couldn’t wait to use whatever it was against him.Insert an evil laugh here.

Isak quickly got to work and typed the address on the search bar and it only took a few seconds before the page loaded completely.

The background was dark and the header was a picture of young Leonardo DiCaprio. This blog was already screaming Even’s name.

Isak scrolled through the first page but failed to find anything interesting, all Even’s posts were reblogs of either movie quotes or weird photographies, nothing that Even had posted himself. 

Isak went through five more pages with no luck and he was just about to get disappointed until-

 

 _This morning I woke up and truly wished I hadn’t. I don’t wanna be alive anymore, everything hurts too much. I don’t really understand why wanting to die is such a bad thing, it’s not like I’m going to kill myself, I’m too much of a coward for that._ _It’s not that I’m sad all the time, I want to die even when I’m feeling good. It would be better to die than to live like this everyday._

 

Okay what the hell? Was Even actually depressed? But he seemed so fine and happy at school everyday, Isak always thought the depression quotes were a part of his pretensions persona, but actually wanting to DIE? 

Isak didn’t even realize what he was doing but before he knew it he was automatically making a tumblr blog and sending Even a message. 

_Hi :) just wanted to tell you that you have a really cool blog. What’s your name?_

He typed in English but stopped himself before pressing send. He had to wait a couple of hours or Even would become suspicious that he had received a message right after putting his blog address on his bio.

He knew that this was a totally fucked up thing to do but he couldn't help himself, he just needed to figure Even out. He wasn't actually so fond of Even but this boy was talking about _death_ here and Isak had a feeling that not even Sonja knew about these dark thoughts Even seemed to have. And if he could also figure out what Even's relationship with Jonas was along the way then he'd be killing two birds with one stone. 

Isak decided to do some of his homework and wait until a few hours passed so he would be able to send Even the already written message but he couldn't bring himself to concentrate.

Jonas' words kept repeating in his head and his heart was painfully aching in his chest again. Jonas, who was always so kind and sweet to Isak had intentionally broken his heart this morning. Jonas knew how much his words hurt him, he knew that Isak would get heartbroken cuz he knew that Isak was head over heels in love with him but he still chose to say those words and he didn't even care enough to apologize or even text him at all after that. Isak hated him. Isak hated that he loved him so much.

It was already 10 p.m when Isak was finally done with his homework, so he sprung into action.

His heart was beating frantically in his chest when he pressed send. Even’s reply came in only a matter of seconds.

_thank you ! yours is really nice too. I'm Even :)_

_hi Even! it's really nice talking to u. I'm new on Tumblr and I'm actually looking for some friends and I just stumbled across ur blog_

_of course, I'm always down for having friends. where are u from?_

 

Isak paused at that. He couldn't say Norway. where was he from?

 

_the better America._

_haha so you're from Canada?_

_yep. Toronto._

_cool! I'm from Norway, Oslo. What's your name?_

_Isaiah._

 

FUCK

what the fuck was Isak thinking?! that was way too fucking obvious he couldn't fucking believe himself. ISAIAH? what the fuck?

Yeah, this was going to end well.

 

 

 


	2. Can’t you just take the hint?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Isaiah” and Even start talking. Isak discovers a very ugly truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u enjoy :)  
> Even’s ig is @evenbech.n

Even hadn’t replied since Isak’s last message. Maybe saying his name was fucking Isaiah was way too fucking obvious. Perhaps Even had realized that it was actually Isak fucking with him. Maybe he had realized and was plotting to get him back.

or worse.

fuck. What if Even told Jonas? He would hate Isak forever. Isak would lose him completely. Fuck. What had Isak done?! 

It took Even 10 more minutes to reply and Isak was anxiously tapping his foot and biting his nails the whole time and he nearly screamed and jumped out of his seat when Even’s reply finally came. 

 

_Sorry I disappeared on you, I was brushing my teeth lol_

_cool name btw_

_what does it mean?_

Come to think of it, what  _did_ Isaiah even mean? Could Even just tone down with all these fucking questions that were making Isak very anxious already? 

He quickly googled the meaning of the name before replying.

 

_It’s hebrew. Meaning the god is generous._

_What does Even mean?_

 

_It mean god is gracious :)_

_Seriously?_

_Yep! our names match! Kinda._

_That’s really cool_

_isn’t it a bit early to go to sleep anyways?_

_What?_

_You said you were brushing ur teeth._

_stalker._

_what?_

_Did u just check my timezone?_

_Oh yeah haha I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t actually midnight over there_

_I just got out of school actually._

 

Yep. Good job Isak. Keep it smooth. Keep it real. You’re doing amazing. 

He almost forgot there for a moment that he was supposed to be 6 hours behind Even and nearly fucked it all up.

Keep it fucking together Isak.

 

  _Yep. I figured_

_Ever been to oslo?_

 

_I have actually._

_My parents are from Norway. We visit quite often._

So much for fucking keeping it smooth and real FUCK.

 

_Omg are you serious? What a coincidence! Kan du snakke Norsk?_

_Haha jaaaaa but only a little bit really._

_Tell me about the times you’ve been to Norway! How did you like it here? Are you planning to come back anytime soon?_

 

_***_

 

Isak had been anonymously talking to Even for a few weeks now and he felt like crap.

It was crazy how Even trusted him so much. Even had already told him about how his dad had died when he was only 5 years old and how his mother was so emotionally broken after that, so much so she forgot all about Even’s needs and that he had to live with his grandparents for a few years. He talked about his life with Isak as if he had never had a friend before when in reality he had 800 people around him everyday. 

In reality Isak still hated him but they shared polite hellos whenever they met and Jonas was spending more and more time with Even each day and it was ripping Isak’s heart apart. 

But in the internet world. 

In the internet world Isak wasn’t sure how he felt anymore, he wasn’t sure how this worked but it almost felt like Even was two completely different people online and in real life. But then again it was so easy to fake your personality on the internet, Isak was rocking that after all. Even was still the same best friend stealing asshole that he had always been.

Isak still felt like shit. Even obviously wouldn’t share all this information about himself with him if he knew who he actually was. He was tricking Even into sharing information that he was almost sure he was never going to use against him now that he knew it all. Isak had really fucked up this time.

There was the option of just signing out of tumblr and never signing back in again but Isak just couldn’t do that. It was pathetic but at the end of the day the only thing he looked forward to was his conversations with Even, he had nothing better to do since Jonas was still cold as fuck towards him (and that was eating every single one of his organs on the inside).

He was currently in the school cafeteria, sitting at their table with Jonas and Eva, half heartedly listening to their conversation while watching Even and Sonja on their table from the corner of his eyes. 

As if Even could sense his eyes on him he turned around and caught Isak’s eyes. Isak quickly turned his gaze down and tuned into the conversation that was going on around him. 

“Yeah but then he told me that we better go to mine and I said okay, cool. But when we got there my dad was home and suddenly he seemed so uncomfortable and upset. I didn’t really think he’d be so uncomfortable meeting my dad,”

”who are we talking about again?” Isak asked, confused.

”Even.” Eva replied.

”Don’t say his name Eva, Isak might throw a fit any second now,”

Isak scoffed and rolled his eyes.

”Will you just fucking let it go? Shut up Jonas,” 

“Apparently Even was uncomfortable meeting Jonas’ dad last night,” Eva explained with a thoughful face, Jonas also nodded in agreement.

”uh, maybe it’s because of his own dad situation?” Isak blurted out without even thinking.

”What dad situation?” Jonas frowned.

” You know, about how he’s dead and all that?”

Eva gasped and that and Jonas’ eyes widened.

”What the hell are you talking about?! His dad is dead?!” Jonas whisper shouted with wide eyes.

oh shit.

oh fuck.

Isak wasn’t supposed to know that. Isaiah was.

”Uh, I’m not sure, I think I just heard that somewhere,”

”But are you sure? Do you guys think I should ask him about that?”

Isak’s heart rate was slowly rising and he was actually becoming anxious now.

” Come to think of it, I just remembered that it was Sonja who told me that a few weeks ago. She actually seemed really upset about how she shared personal information about Even with me and asked if I could not tell anyone. I really don’t think you should ask Even anything, it might ruin their friendship and also mine and Sonja’s.”

Isak explained hurriedly. 

Jonas frowned at that. “Yeah you’re right,” he replied with a sigh “I guess I should wait until Even himself is ready to tell me that.”

They dropped the conversation there but the frown stayed between Jonas’ thick eyebrows. Oh how Isak wished he could kiss it away. 

 

***

Isak had to know. He had spent weeks listening Even talk about his life and he didn’t really regret anything, specially when Even told him that he was the only person that he felt like he could talk to comfortably without feeling judged. He was happy to be an online therapist, he was happy Even had Isaiah to talk to, but he just had to fucking know.

He had to know what was going on between Jonas and Even. He just couldn’t take it anymore. 

He had to ask. Asking wouldn’t really hurt anyone now would it? (Except for himself, the answer might seriously hurt him) 

So when they started texting, late that evening, he finally popped the question.

 

_I wanted to smack her in the face_

_like who the hell says that?_

_“I love gay people they’re so funny”_

_like wtf?_

_bitch i’ll show u funny_

_hahahahah_

_don’t get so worked up over it._

_speaking of gay_

_are any of the guys at ur school worth pining for?_

_Man, don’t even get me started._

_Everyone in our school is just so hot_

_guys, girls_

_fucking teachers!_

_ahahahahah_

_but is there anyone in particular?_

_That you have a crush on?_

_I don’t know_

_maybe one person?_

_yeah?_

_who is that?_

_Just some guy i sometimes hang out with_

 

Isak’s heart was beating out of his chest. Even was going to tell him everything now. Isak felt so disguted with himself, using Even for information like that but he couldn’t really help it anymore and he was 2 seconds away from actually fainting.

_His name is Jonas_

Isak’s breathe hitched. There it was. He had it now. It was official. Even had a thing for Jonas, HIS Jonas. 

But he had to keep it together, He just had to know one more thing. Only one more thing.

_and what about him?_

_does he like you back?_

_I think so, yeah._

_I mean he told me so._

_But there’s also someone else in his life right now._

_It’s his bestfriend, Jonas told me that he’s probably in love with him._

_But Jonas doesn’t like him back._

_He said that it was funny how his friend was so desperate and just couldn’t take the hint._

_He said there was never going to be anything between them and that he liked me, not him._

_I hope he meant that._

 

Isak couldn’t breathe. 

He was going to die. 

Isak couldn’t feel his body, he couldn’t feel the tears that were streaming down his face and neck, he couldn’t feel the sobs escaping his throat.

he could only feel his heart shattering. That was all he could feel.

He was struggling hard to catch his breath because he was going to burst any second now and he just needed to _breathe_ but he was choking on the air and his tears and the force of Even’s words crashing into him. 

_Where did u go?_

_Hellooooo????_

_Sorry Even something came up I have to go_

_i’ll talk to u later_

 

He didn’t even care if Even found out anymore. What did it matter? His life was already over. 

He hadn’t lost Jonas. He never even _had_ Jonas in the first place.

Jonas had led him on for so long. Jonas had led him on for years, making Isak think he had a chance while he was making fun of him behind his back and calling him desperate.

He wanted to die. His heart was exploding and he only wished he would die. His insides felt like someone had just lighted up a match and set him on fire cuz everything just _hurt._

Everything hurt too much and Isak just wished he was dead. 

He wished he was dead. 

 

***

Isak was a walking corpse walking to school on Monday. He had spent the last 3 days crying his eyes out in his bed, and he couldn’t even begin to explain what had happened when Eskild came to him. He couldn’t even lie and tell him he was fine, he couldn’t even force his face muscles to form a fake smile. 

He could only cry.

He refused to believe that this had actually happened to him. He refused to believe that this was real life. It had to be a nightmare. This couldn’t be real. 

He couldn’t face Jonas, he couldn’t face Even, whose messages he hadn’t replied to for the past 3 days.

He just didn’t think he could go through a full day at school without breaking down.

And he didn’t.

The moment Sonja asked him if he was alright in Norwegian class he broke down in her arms letting out the ugliest sobs.

She only held him and rubbed his back and told him that everything was going to be okay, she didn’t even ask him what had happened, she only whispered (not so) comforting words in his ear.

In the end Sonja was forced to lead him to the bathroom so he could splash some water on his face. 

During lunch he sat at the table alone waiting for Jonas to show up. He had to talk to him. Maybe Even was lying, maybe Even was mistaken, he had to confront Jonas and ask him to explain.

His eyes were puffy and his face was tear strained and he looked like shit, and when Jonas walked into the cafeteria he just raised his eyebrows at Isak and walked over to Even’s table to sit with him. 

Isak followed him with his eyes, feeling like he was close to another break down, until he sat down next to Even. 

That was when he realized that Even was intensely staring at him. 

He probably knew.

Isak held his gaze for a few more seconds before it suddenly felt like too much, he got up and ran to the bathroom.

He got home later, feeling even worse than he had felt when he had left home this morning and collapsed on the couch, not being able to reach his bedroom. 

Eskild found him only minutes later laying face flat on the couch and sobbing quietly into a cushion. 

“Oh my sweet baby Isak,”

He pulled Isak into his embrace and let Isak cry on him for several long minutes while he caressed him arm and ran his fingers through his hair.

”Oh Isak, just tell me what’s wrong? Is it your parents? Is it something at school? Isak please you need to talk to me,” he whispered quietly in Isak’s hair.

Isak just started sobbing harder.

”I fucked up Eskild, I-I fucked up so bad, I did something bad and... a-and now I’m being p-punished for it,”

He managed to speak between all those never ending tears escaping his heart.

”what are you talking about Isak? Please just tell me, I only want to help you, you know that,”

So Isak explained everything. He told Eskild everything through the tears and Eskild only listened to him talk quietly.

He still stayed quiet even when Isak was done talking for some long few minutes before speaking again. 

“Isak... I’m not going to tell you how wrong what you did was, I’m sure you already know that and you’re not really in a situation for me to blame you for anything. I just want you to know that no matter what you did, you didn’t deserve this. No one deserves this Isak. Please believe me when I say it.”

Isak just shook his head and stared blankly at the floor when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

He pulled it out, hoping for a message from Jonas asking him if he was alright (pathetic, yes he knew that), but-

but instead he had a text from Even.

Not a message from Even to Isaiah on tumblr.

An actual text. From Even to Isak.

 

_Hi. Just heard from Sonja that you weren’t feeling too good today, hope you’re alright. I know we’re not really friends but if you need to talk or anything, I’m here._

Isak couldn’t believe Even’s kindness. All he had ever been to Even was cold but here he was, asking Isak if he was alright and offering him someone to talk to when Isak’s fucking best friend had only raised his eyebrows at him.

_hi. Thanks for the text Even, I’m feeling better now but again, thank you for your concern. Means alot._

 

Even sent him a thumbs up in reply and Isak sent back a smiley.

fuck Jonas and the whole ignoring Isak thing. He had the fucking right to confront him. He had the right to ask for an explanation. He had the fucking right.

so he opened Jonas’ chat and texted him.

_can we meet? i need to talk to u abt something._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope reading this made you as emotional as writing it made me.  
> 


	3. What's your shoe size?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak confronts Jonas, Even confronts Isak. Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ever seen a better summery than things happen? I haven't.  
> here's the third chapter. Thank you to all the amazing people who always take the time to comment, you have no idea how insanely happy that makes me. always makes my day better.  
> love u, hope u enjoy :)  
> ( guys I just saw Henrik's story and found out that Kokos is dead:( I'm so sad. Rest in peace <3 )

_Can we meet? I need to talk to u abt something._

_Can't today I'm busy._

_Jonas_

_please_

_it's important_

_I said I'm busy_

_if it's so important then tell me now_

_no I need to talk to u in person_

_Isak I just said I don't have the time. either say it now or forget it_

Isak was so frustrated, Jonas definitely wasn't as busy as he pretended he was he just wanted to ignore Isak and Isak was sure that Jonas already almost knew what he wanted to talk about and he knew that Isak wasn't the type of person who had deep conversations through texting. 

Or was he now?

He simply couldn't ignore this anymore. It was eating him out. It had been three days now and he just couldn't take it anymore. He deserved to get a fucking explanation (if there even was one).

He took a deep breath and started typing again.

_I did something bad_

_please just let me explain first without getting mad okay?_

_what did u do_

_Jonas I love you_

_you know that_

_you're my_ _best friend and the best thing in my life_

_it just wasn't the same after Even entered your life. I know you think I'm so childish but going from having all your attention to none at all_

_that hurt Jonas_

_I know u like him, who wouldn't like him? but you're obsessed with him just like I am with  u_

_he doesn't know it was me_

_I said my name was something else_

_and we talked for a while_

_and Jonas, he told me something_

_he said that you told him that I'm in love with you, you told him that I was so desperate I couldn't get the hint about u not liking me back_

_and that you're in love with him_

_please Jonas_

_tell me he lied_

_please_

_Isak are you fucking serious right now_

_you did something like that and now you're confronting ME?_

_I just need u to tell me if what he said was true_

_I don't owe you any fucking explanation Isak_

_you wanted to snoop so here u go, u have to face the fucking consequences_

 

Isak was crying again, how could Jonas say that he didn't owe him an explanation? how could he just pretend that there had never been anything between them? how could he be so fucking cruel?

 

 _Jonas I know that we never talked about it but you can't ignore that there's sth more_ _than friendship between us_

_I don't know what you're thinking Isak._

_I don't know what you're saying_

_I didn't wanna lead you on_

_I never promised you anything_

 

The tears were back with full force again. Here was Jonas telling him he never even liked Isak. That was a lie, Isak knew he did, maybe not lately but he once did, Isak didn't understand how it could be so easy for him to ignore it all, how it had been so easy for him to say all those things about him to Even.

_I think what you should be worried about rn is Even_

_can u please not tell him anything_

_I'll talk to him_

_just not yet_

_I still can't believe what you did, that was so fucked up. what the fuck were you thinking_

_I honestly don't know what to think of you anymore_

_why would YOU think anything of me, I didn't do anything to u_

_still_

_as Even's friend, I have the right_

 

No he fucking didn't.

 

_okay_

_just don't tell him anything_

For a guy who pretended to be so woke, Jonas surely was a dick. A dick who Isak still loved (and hated himself for it).

 

_just so you know Isak_

_I never called you desperate_

 

 

Wow. How heart warming.

 

****

 

 Even 100% knew, Isak found out when he saw his instagram post. 'Don't ruin Tumblr kid'. very subtle.

The next morning after he entered the school, he knew that he needed to talk to Even. He wasn't sure what he was going to say. He kind of missed it to be honest, talking to Even. Sometimes he felt like he knew Even so well upon them talking for nearly a month, other times he felt like Isaiah wasn't even him, Was someone else that knew all of Even's secrets and was actually Even's friend.

He stared at Even entering the cafeteria for lunch and Even stared back at him fo a full 20 seconds before walking over to sit with his friends.

It was now or never.

He got up from his seat, knees shaking, and walked over to Even. Sonja was first to notice him.

"oh hi Isak, wanna sit with us?" she asked with a smile. Even looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

Isak swallowed with way too much effort. "Uh... No, I, um.. actually just wanted to see if I could talk to Even? If that's alright." He directed his words to Even and then looked down nervously.

All of them were silent for a few seconds before Even replied. "Yeah, sure. Let's get out of here," Even gave him half a smile and got up and walked towards the door with Isak following him.

They found an empty classroom and Even sat down on one of the seats and gave him another half hearted smile.

"So? What did you want to talk about?" 

Couldn't he stop pretending not to know what Isak was going to talk about? Isak's heart was in his throat and he felt like he was so close to his 20th breakdown in a matter of only 4 days. 

He looked down, trying to avoid Even's piercing gaze.

" I uh... I just- I think, I think you already know what I'm going to talk about. D-Don't you?" he asked, still looking down.

He could feel Even still and his breathing got heavy, Even was silent again for nearly a minute before speaking.

"Please just- Please... tell me it wasn't you," Even pleaded with the saddest tone Isak had ever heard him (or anyone really) speak.

He could feel his eyes stinging with tears, he was so ashamed, he was so fucking embarrassed. He didn't really think he had the ability to open his mouth let alone speak, so he just nodded.

Even inhaled a sharp breath at that.

"I... I had my doubts, I think I knew, I definitely knew but I was still just hoping...," he paused for a second. "I was just hoping it wouldn't really be you. I always knew you didn't like me Isak but, I really thought you were a good person. The best second grader I know, apart from Sonja,"

Isak had never felt so bad, he wanted the ground to open and swallow him whole.

"I'm so sorry," Isak whispered quietly, Even sighed at that.

"Can you just- just tell me why? What did I ever do to you?"

Isak looked up at that "Even I swear I never meant to use everything you told me to hurt you, I'll- if you let me, I can explain everything." Isak pleaded with tears in his eyes. Even looked at him with his sad blue eyes for a second before nodding.

Isak inhaled deeply before starting to talk.

"I- a while back I was kind of... stalking you, and I saw a link to your Tumblr on your instagram, at first I thought... I hoped I could find something on you and Jonas maybe. But then I saw your posts and- I know it was probably all personal and I'm sorry I even saw those posts but, you were just so sad and you were talking about death and I thought-actually I'm not sure what I thought, I acted before even thinking, I just had to send you a message

"Even I swear that during the time we talked I never meant to get any information or anything out of you, I was never waiting for the perfect moment to just ask you about Jonas but I saw the opportunity and took it. I'm so sorry Even. I'm truly sorry,"

Even just looked at him in disbelief and scoffed in the end. "So what? you just want me to believe that you did this fucked up thing because you care about me and shit?" 

"Yeah, or... No, no I don't expect you to believe that. I just wanted to explain," Isak swallowed tightly.

"Seriously Isak? this is your explanation? Even if you're telling the truth this doesn't justify what you did, Isak do you actually realize how fucked up that was?"

"I know this doesn't justify anything, I'm not trying to justify anything, Even I truly regret what I did and I know this doesn't mean shit to you but, I'm sorry. I'm j-just so fucking sorry," Isak's voice broke at the end and he looked down again in case the tears tried to escape his eyes. Even visibly calmed down from his rage a bit.

"Isak... if what you're saying is true, and that's a big if, then you could just ask me yourself. you didn't have to go all the way and fake message me, if you had actually asked me, I would have still talked to you. I really did like you Isak,"

Isak was still looking down.

"Why would you? I was never nice to you,"

"Yeah but you were nice to others, I knew you were jealous of Jonas so I didn't really take that to heart. You were allowed to be a little bitch to me, I understood." They both chuckled quietly and then fell into an unsettling silence.

"How did you... when did you find out it was me?" Isak cleared his throat. 

"Honestly?" Even raised an eyebrow and Isak nodded.

"I had to be an idiot to not find out after our last conversation but I think- I think I kind of knew since the very start, I'm not sure how but I just had this feeling. Isaiah was just way too obvious you know?"

"Yeah I kind of figured that out after the damage was done," Even chuckled again.

"I'm actually glad you're not called Isaiah, I really hate that name."

"Hey! you said it was a cool name!"

"Well yeah, I lied, I couldn't just tell someone that I had just started talking with that I hated their name now could I? and Canada? seriously?" Even smiled. Cute.

"You have no idea about all the effort it took me to keep up with that timezone shit okay? And I had to actually google and convert my shoe size to Canadian, why the fuck did you want to know my shoe size anyway?!"

"For science," Even smirked as Isak rolled his eyes at him.

They fell into another awkward silence but this time it wasn't as uneasy as the last.

"You said, you said that you always had the feeling that it was me, so... were you lying? about the things that Jonas said?"

Even was looking sad again. Still kind of cute.

"I'm sorry Isak, I know you already hate me and hearing this from me will make you hate me even more but, Jonas really did say all that. And that wasn't right of him at all,"

"I don't hate you," Isak said hurriedly.

"You don't?" Even raised both of his eyebrows just as the bell rang.

"No, not at all," Isak said quietly. Even gave him a small smile and the sound of footsteps got closer.

"I'm so sorry, again, I wish things wouldn't turn out like this," Isak mumbled, taking a step back. "So, yeah... I'll guess I'll see you around then,"

Just as he was about to turn around Even called his name.

"Uh, Isak?" He looked kind of unsure before saying three words that Isak never thought he'd hear him say. three words that would change both of their lives forever.

"I forgive you," 

To say that Isak was startled was an understatement. He didn't even know what to say.

Even took a step closer before raising his hand towards Isak to shake.

"Friends?" He asked with a smile.

Isak smiled back at him, not quite believing that Even was for real.

He nodded once and took Even's hand to shake.

"Yeah, friends."


	4. This is a Jonas free zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some character developments going on in this one. Isak’s feeling a bit better, him and Even take a long walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4th chapter here ! Hope u enjoy !  
> I love you all. I mean it.

Things were a tiny bit awkward with Jonas, needless to say. Isak didn't see him on Tuesday after having the talk with Even, he did see him on Wednesday morning in the school yard however and they only said hellos and smiled awkwardly at each other.During lunch Even waved at him from his table while Isak sat with Sana and Noora and Jonas sat with Eva.

It sucked. He hated everything. He wanted his best friend back but Jonas felt more like a stranger now than a friend. His heart still ached when he thought of the things Jonas had said to Even and he still wanted the ground to swallow him when he thought of the whole Isaiah thing but at least things were better with Even and he had forgiven him. 

Even was just unbelievable, Isak knew that if he were in Even's shoes he would have never forgiven himself, but Even didn't even think twice before telling him that he forgave him.

But who was he to talk, he was pretty sure he would have forgiven Jonas if Jonas had actually been sorry for the things that he had said, but nope. Jonas didn't seem even slightly affected. Fuck Jonas. He missed Jonas. 

On Thursday things were the same and everything sucked, then finally came Friday. 

Isak hadn't seen Jonas all day, he had probably skipped school and Isak wanted to text him and ask if he was alright on instinct but then he would remember that Jonas was an asshole who had broken his heart and no matter how worried he was about him, he would never just give in like that.

Isak left school at 15:45 and he was tired as fuck with no power in him to cycle his way back home so he decided to take the tram. 

He felt so alone.

He had never noticed until now that he never allowed himself to get close to anyone but Jonas, that he didn't have any close friends apart from Jonas and now Jonas was gone and he didn't have anyone. He was alone.

Maybe it was his fault that Jonas was gone, maybe if he hadn't snooped and been a nosy bitch he wouldn't be so miserable right now, maybe Jonas was right and he had been an idiot for not realizing that Jonas only loved him as a best friend, maybe if he just texted Jonas right now and asked him how he was-

"Hi Isak," His train of thoughts was (thankfully) interrupted by a voice coming from behind him. He quickly turned around and.

Of course. Even. Who else could it possibly be.

"Oh, Even. Hi," he squealed. Why the fuck did his voice came out so high pitched?

"Going home?" Even asked with a smile.

"Yeah, you too?"

"Yeah,"

Isak smiled back and they were both smiling awkwardly at each other for nearly 10 seconds until Isak looked away. Isak realized that Even probably knew why Jonas was absent and as much as he wished he didn't care, he was still worried.

"Uh, Even? Do you know why Jonas didn't come to school today?" he looked up at Even nervously, hoping he wouldn't get mad at him for asking.

Even raised an eyebrow at that. "He wasn't at school?" 

Isak shook his head.

"Sorry Isak, I really don't know," Even replied.

Isak nodded and looked down again. Even seemed to hesitate for a few seconds before speaking up again.

"So, uh, I'm guessing you guys didn't make up?" He asked Isak nervously. Isak forced a smile and shook his head again.

"Oh. Well, I'm really sorry if it's my fault. I didn't mean for this to happen. I promise." He said with a frown. Isak thought that if he had Even's smile he would never frown.

"It's not your fault Even, I had to face the fact that he didn't feel the same sooner or later, you know? It just really hurt cuz he actually told me that he didn't even know what I was talking about when I suggested that there had always been something more than friendship between us, he also said he didn't want to lead me on but that's exactly what he has been doing for the past three years," Isak wasn’t sure why he was pouring his heart out to Even of all people but he had started speaking and now he just couldn’t stop.

”friends don’t constantly touch eachother like they mean it you know? Friends just don’t tell eachother that they look beautiful today, friends don’t tell you that you’re their only one and friends don’t act all jealous when you simply just talk to other guys, do they? If he really never felt anything for me in all these years then this is fucking called leading me on, this is called playing with my feelings and I just don’t understand why the fuck he would do that,” He was slightly out of breath by the time he was done with his little speech and he had a stunned looking Even staring at him with wide eyes in front of him.

He felt his ears heating up as he realized that he had probably talked too much and with no filter. 

“I’m sorry, I got a little excited over there,” Isak cleared his throat and this seemed to snap Even out of wherever he was in.

Even quickly shook his head before speaking up, “No, no it’s not that, it’s just that...” 

Isak raised an eyebrow, “What is it?”

Even looked hesitant and unsure of what to say next.

”I really don’t wanna ruin things between you any further okay-“ 

“Even, everything’s already fucking ruined and it wasn’t your fault okay? Just please tell me what?” 

Even opened his mouth a few time until he finally spoke out loud,

”It’s just that, this is not what Jonas told me, is all,” 

Isak frowned at that, “What did he tell you then?” 

“He honestly didn’t tell me much, I just once asked him if you guys were dating cuz you seemed so close, he just said that you weren’t and that he had told you that a hundred times but you just... you wouldn’t let go of him, and stuff..” 

Isak had gone through so many emotional breakdowns in the past week that he didn’t really find it in him to break down again, and honestly Even’s words didn’t really come out as a surprise anymore. He was used to hearing home wrecking things from Even by now.

”He said that, yeah?” He whispered, looking down. 

“I’m so sorry Isak, I really didn’t mean to make you upset-“

”No, it’s alright. It’s really not a surprise anymore. It’s like I don’t even know him you know? Like I’m just starting to see who he is.”

Even was quiet for a few seconds again. “Still, I’m sorry things are this way,” 

Isak sighed and forced a chuckle out as he looked up at Even. 

“Well yeah, I guess good luck to you then. Hope he doesn’t treat you like he did me,” 

Even furrowed his eyebrows and he was the one that looked down this time.

”Yeah, we’re not really- we haven’t been talking since all the stuff happened last week. I don’t think we will, anytime soon,” say what?

“Oh, I’m sorry.” 

“No don’t be, I don’t really care. He’s not really the person I thought he was either. With everything that happened lately, I guess I didn’t think he was that kind of person.” 

“Guess we’re gonna be living a Jonas free life from now on,” They both chuckled.

Another silence fell and honestly Isak was so fed up with all these awkward silences, He looked around searching for something else to talk about and - fuck. He had missed his stop, he was so caught up talking to Even (he never thought he would ever say that) that he didn’t realize that.

”Ugh shit, I missed my stop,” he groaned.

”Fuck, I missed mine too,” Even said seeming frustrated.

”Do you have anything you need to do right now?” Even asked him after a moment. 

“Uh no? Not really.” 

“Wanna walk back then? The weather seems nice considering it’s still march.” He asked with a smile.

”Uh, yeah sure, I guess.” Isak smiled back.

They got off the the tram together and Isak let Even take the lead and Even led them to a nearby park. 

He sat down on the bench with Isak standing up in front of him as he ruffled through his backpack.

”Uh, what are you doing?”

”Looking for... This! Wanna smoke?” Even took out a fat ass joint from his bag and looked at Isak expectedly, Isak smirked and moved to sit down on the bench next to him.

They smoked and moved the joint back and forth for a few minutes in silence before Even cleared his throat.

”So did you know-“ 

“Please, please no more heart wrenching facts about Jonas okay? I just can’t.” Isak pleaded.

Even let out a startled laugh at that.

”I promise I wasn’t gonna say any more heart wrenching facts about Jonas okay? Let’s make a deal, we won’t be talking about Jonas anymore from now on okay? We used to have so many things to talk about before this week, remember ?” 

Isak frowned, “We did?” 

“I meant during the time when you were in disguise as Isaiah,” Even said rolling his eyes and Isak quickly hid his face between his arms.

”Oh my god please let’s make another deal to not talk about that either okay? I wanna die when I think of that,”

”I wanna die every moment of my life,” Even replied casually. Fucking casually. 

Isak raised his head again to actually look at Even.

”Uh..?”

”Sorry, that was probably too dark,” Even blushed a bit. Aw.

”No but... are you okay?”

”Not really, I’m diagnosed with clinical depression,” how did he manage to say such things in such a casual way?!

”Oh I- I’m sorry, I didn’t know, you never told me that,”

”Yeah, I couldn’t really trust a stranger on the internet with my biggest secret now,right?”

”But you can trust me now?” Isak asked, still unsure.

Even gave him a soft smile.

”Well sure, you’re not exactly a stranger now, we’re friends right?” 

‘Friends’. It was a weird concept to Isak really, being friends with someone without Jonas being constantly there. Being friends with someone all by himself. Having a friend. 

 ****

After they were done with Even’s joint they actually started walking home this time. They parted ways when they reached Even’s house and Isak found out that they didn’t really live far apart, Isak’s flat was only a couple of blocks down. 

They stood there awkwardly for a moment before Isak raised his hand to shake and at the same time Even came in for a hug. 

It was very awkward. 

In the end they shared a one shouldered hug and Isak quickly turned around and walked to his own flat, without looking back. 

Eskild was sitting on the couch with Linn watching keeping up with the Kardashians and they both looked up when he entered.

Linn said a quiet hi and went back to watching her show, unlike Eskild.

”Hi baby gay, you look considerably less miserable today, anything nice happened?”

Isak smiled a bit, “Yeah, I guess so,”

 “Made up with Jonas?” 

Isak made a face at that. “What? No, of course not, I just had a walk with Even, we talked a bit and it was really nice. Considering all the shit that has happened between us you know?”

Eskild grinned up at him and told him how great that was and how he had missed Isak’s gay smile, Isak rolled his eyes and walked to his own room.

Later as he was lying down in bed, he realized that even though he had found out more shitty things about his best friend, he wasn’t as sad as he thought he would be.

Instead he was happier that he had a new friend. A really nice one who actually, genuinely trusted him with his ‘biggest’ secret. Also his smile was kind of nice too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you probably realized it is stated several times throughout the fic that Isak was always too dependent on Jonas and therefore didn’t have anything by himself for himself. He has a vulnerable character that couldn’t ever find it in him to function without Jonas always being there, having his back.  
> Also about the thing with Even and Jonas, Even had this idea of Jonas in the start that he soon realized was untrue. They were never boyfriends, Even only had a crush so it was obviously not as hard for him to get over Jonas as it was for Isak.  
> I also based Jonas’ character off my ex bestfriend who was just as much of an asshole.  
> Love you, hope you liked this xx


	5. The polite skeleton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak finally tells Jonas off for being an asshole and Even is present throughout the whole chapter.  
> We see more of Isak and Even’s newly made friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry this took me a little longer than usual to write. I’m so busy with uni rn and this chapter is more of a filler and i hate writing fillers so it took me nearly a week to write this.  
> Hope you enjoy anyway! Thank you all so much for leaving kudos and comments! <3  
> P.s. interesting stuff are gonna be happening in the next chapter ;)

The following weekend was pretty much a boring one, well, apart from Even's occasional text messages, those were not boring at  _all._ They were mostly sending each other memes back and forth and Even's were mostly old and stupid but they made Isak smile nevertheless. Even was actually way nicer and funnier now rather than when he was talking to Isaiah. Isak could feel that he was more himself and talked more freely about everything without having to worry about the whole stranger on the internet thing, so it was all really nice.

The weekend passed in a blur and then came Monday again, and unlike last week, Isak was feeling much better now. He wasn't constantly breaking down and he wasn't a crying mess anymore. His heart ached still however, and he missed Jonas. He missed someone to obsess with 24/7, he missed Jonas telling him about his day, and he was still kind of worried. He didn't know why Jonas had skipped school and even though Jonas could have any fucking reason in the world and absolutely non of those concerned him since they weren't on talking terms or literally anything else terms at the moment, he was still dying to know where Jonas had been.

Even was nice, texting Even, walking with Even and sharing joints with Even was nice, but he wasn't Jonas.

And okay, Jonas was an asshole, a lying bastard who had played with his heart, he knew that alright? But you couldn't just suddenly get over your best friend  _and_ the love of your life for 3 years in a week could you? He just missed him. 

So Monday came and Isak was so not fucking ready to bump into Jonas on the stairs in a few hours, but oh well.

When Isak arrived at school the first thing he noticed was Even sitting alone on his phone in the yard, and the second thing he noticed was Jonas standing near the entrance talking to Eva.

He silently went through a small existential crises as he realized that he had automatically started walking towards Even instead of Jonas but he kept going until he was standing right in front of him. Even sensed his presence after a second and looked up from his phone with a frown between his brows that quickly faded as he was faced with Isak. 

"Oh, Hi. It's you you," He said with a grin. Isak couldn't help but smile back, he just couldn't, Even's smile was contagious. "Yep, it's me. Why are you sitting alone?"

"Sonja and Mikael start at 11 so it's just me for now. and now you, apparently"

"Yeah I can't exactly just walk up to Jonas anymore, you're the only person I have now," Isak said with a chuckle as Even squinted his eyes at him, "hey! you just broke our rule, what did I say on Friday? No talking about the devil!"

"The devil?!"

"In your case, yes, he really is the devil in this scenario, so no talking or thinking about him okay?"

Isak's face fell a bit. Yeah he fucking wish he could stop thinking about the whole thing, "Yeah but I can't really control my thoughts can I?" He replied with a frown and went to sit down next to Even.

"Oh come on now, it's barely 9 in the morning. Don't give me that sad ugly face." Even patted his knee while patting his knee awkwardly and grimaced when Isak turned and glared at him.

"Come on, do you wanna share earphones? I got some good music in my iPod," Even asked with his eyebrows expectedly raised so Isak sighed and nodded although he wasn't exactly sure what Even meant by 'good music' when he knew, for a fact, that Even knew all the words to almost every Justin Bieber song.

"Oh wait do you have your own earphones with you now?" "Uh, yeah?" Even grinned at that and brought out an earphone splitter cable out of the pocket of his bag with a smirk.

"Oh my god I've always wanted one of those!" Isak said excitedly, "Seriously?" "Yeah man I've wanted one for so long but I always keep forgetting to buy one, they come in very handy,"

"I'll make sure to get you one for your birthday," Even said with a wink and Isak rolled his eyes at him, "Yeah, okay can't wait,"

Even chuckled before connecting both of their earphones to the iPod and started playing (yes thank you Isak totally called for this) some shitty Carly Rae Jepsen music.

And Okay, maybe Even singing to  _I really really really really really really like you_ out loud at 9 in the morning in the school yard with everyone staring at him and Isak trying to hide his face  wasn't throughly a bad experience.

 

Isak was running late for class as a result of being stuck with Vilde's gibberish talking for nearly 10 minutes and he was running up the stairs half heartedly in an attempt to save himself from the detention when he bumped right into  _Jonas_ of all people.

He didn't exactly realize who it was that he had ran into at first and quickly started apologizing.

"Oh my god, I'm really sorry mate I should have looked-" and there goes his apology. And his fucking heart. Jonas is standing right there in front of him staring.

"Oh, uh... hi, Jonas..." Isak stuttered and swallowed tightly, trying to avoid Jonas' eyes.

"Hi Isak," Jonas mumbled quietly they both stood there in silence awkwardly before Jonas started speaking again. "So how's- uh, how are you doing?" he asked and when Isak glanced at him he looked like he was swallowing something sore.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, how've you been?"

"Yeah, same," Isak smiled awkwardly and they were both silent again until Jonas cleared his throat. "So I noticed you and Even were hanging out this morning? are you guys friends now or..?"

Isak's first thought was a 'No' and it was almost at the tip of his tongue but he stopped himself. No Jonas I'm not friends with anyone but you, No Jonas you're my only one, No Jonas how could you think I'd even glance at someone but you let alone becoming friends with them. 

But fuck Jonas. Isak didn't owe him shit anymore.

"Yeah actually, we're friends now," Isak said, trying to sound firm. Jonas let out a humorless chuckle at his words.

"So when are you gonna tell him about everything? or are you just not gonna tell him?"

"Tell him what?" Isak frowned.

"You know, about the whole fucked up catfish thing that you did?" Jonas raised his eyebrows as if making fun of his stupidity and Isak's blood was almost boiling in his veins by now.

"What makes you think I didn't tell him?"

"I don't think he'd be so keen on sharing his earphones with you and sing  _I really like you_ if you actually had told him,"

Fuck Jonas. Fuck fuck fuck fuck why the fuck did he have to be so mean?

"Well for your information Jonas, I told him everything last week and he was surprisingly cool about it and said he forgave me, not everyone hold's a fucking grudge like you, you know? And I don't understand, you're the last person in the world who has the right to be mad at me and yet here you are, acting like I've done something unforgivable to you but fuck me if I have, I haven't done anything that would hurt you in anyway but YOU fucking have. you hurt me and you still keep hurting me and then you go acting like a fucking victim. fucking get your shit together and STOP DOING THIS TO ME!" he was panting slightly by the time he was done screaming.

He mentally highfived himself at Jonas' wide eyes and startled face and quickly walked past him, careful to bump his shoulder on the way.

Yeah. Fuck Jonas.

 

***

"No you did not fucking say that to him!" Even exclaimed with a shocked laugh a few days later when Isak told him about his encounter with Jonas and Isak smirked in return. "I fucking did,"

"No way! fuck I'm actually so proud right now," Even beamed at him making Isak blush and look down, he was really proud of himself too. Standing up to Jonas and telling him off like that wasn't something he ever thought he'd be able to do. It wasn't even something he ever thought he'd want to do, but hearing Eskild's reaction and now Even's, both telling him that they were proud of him, plus the feeling of a heavy weight being lifted off his shoulders made it all worth it. He fucking did  _that._

"But are you okay? It mustn't have been easy for you, doing that," Even asked.

Had it been easy? certainly not. not at all. Thinking about it now, Isak had always looked up to Jonas since the day they met. Everything Jonas did seemed right and everything he said was holier than bible for Isak, so no it was not easy, letting go of all that and then admitting it all out loud was not easy.

"I think I'm fine. I mean it was definitely not easy but it had to be done you know?"

"Yeah I understand." Even gave him a reassuring little smile in response and it warmed his heart.

"Anyways, do you wanna grab something to eat with me and Sonja after school?" Everything Even said and did seemed to be warming Isak's heart today.

"Will Sonja be okay with that?" 

"What? Of course she will, you were her friend first remember?"

"Yeah I've always felt like there was something deeper between Sonja and I you know? Some sort of electric connection," Isak said with a smirk and Even rolled his eyes at him. "Isak, you're gay. remember?"

Isak gasped in fake offense, "how dare you assume my sexuality? what if I was bi? or pan?"

Even dead panned and gave him an unimpressed look, "You're one hundred percent gay Isak, now stop being a drama queen and let's go or we're gonna be late." He rolled his eyes again and when Isak continued nagging he grabbed his arm and started dragging a laughing Isak into the school building.

 

Isak and Jonas stopped nodding politely at each other after that and even though it left Isak with an empty feeling in his stomach, it was for the best.

March went by quickly and soon April came and Isak was now spending most of his time with Even, Sonja and Mikael, but specially Even. He couldn’t help but feel like he was invading their friendship sometimes when they were all hanging out but Even assured him that he was not everytime, but he was still more comfortable only spending time with Even. 

They were getting close uncontrollably fast and Isak could almost taste the danger on the tip of his tongue but he chose to ignore it because he was desperate for Even’s friendship and attention. He needed someone and he had no one but Even and Even wasn’t pulling back either so fuck the danger, he would do whatever the hell he wanted.

“You have no idea what a crazy dream I had last night,” Even chuckled and dropped himself on the chair next to Isak who was sitting on his phone in the school cafeteria.

”What dream?” Isak asked not looking up from his phone.

”Hey! Pay attention to me when I’m talking!” Even said and when Isak looked up at him he was pouting. Aww.

“Okay sorry, go on. What was your dream?”

Even took a deep breath before starting to talk and oh man this meant he was not gonna stop talking anytime soon. 

“Okay, so I was at this halloween party in my house but it was only you and me and my mom, then my mom told us to get in the car and that she was going to take us somewhere special. So we got in and and she took us to this place which was decorated with skeletons but it was so beautiful and there was a river and a hill and everything, then I was suddenly falling down the hill and asked for your help but you actually pushed me down. I mean what the fuck? So i got up and we decided to leave and i said fuck you to the nearest skeleton and IT FUCKING STARTED SPRINTING TOWARDS ME MAN and I nearly peed my pants in the dream.

”So I jumped into the car but I couldn’t get the door to shut and the skeleton was RIGHT fucking there and I was convinced that I was gonna die, but then it shut the fucking door for me and told us to drive safe. I mean, what the fuck? That was a real nice and polite skeleton right? “

Even was slightly panting by the time he was done with his story and Isak just stared at him with wide eyes for 30 full seconds.

”Even. There’s no way you actually dreamt that.” Isak said with an eyebrow raised and Even frowned at that.

”What? What do you mean? I had that dream last night,”

”No Even you did not, this is probably a stupid movie idea that you had but you’re now faking it as a dream to seem cool but I don’t buy it,” 

Even’s frowned deepend and he actually looked quite offended.

”Okay, first of all, my movie ideas aren’t stupid at all. And second of all, that was a real fucking dream! It was real okay? I swear Isak I know it sound weird but-“

”No Even there’s no way anyone can ever have a dream like that-“

”But I did!”

”No you didn’t stop lying!”

”what’s going on here?” Sonja interrupted, sitting on the chair in front of them.

”Even’s lying about a dream he had,”

Sonja rolled her eyes.

”Yeah he does that all the time.”

Even’s eyes widened and his mouth dramatically dropped open.

”What? What even- you know what, fuck you guys I’m never telling you about my intresting dreams anymore,”  he crossed his arms and looked away, pouting again. 

“Aw come on now Even, don’t be a little baby,” Isak cooed.

”No, shut up Isak you broke my heart,”

”Now? Or when I pushed you down the hill in the said _dream ?”_

Even glared at him again making Isak laugh.

”Come on Even, you know I-“ 

But the words got trapped in his throat when his eyes fell on the furthest corner of the Cafeteria. 

There was Jonas. And Eva.

Kissing. 

Wow. That went fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do y’all ever think about how henrik’s gonna be bald by the time he’s 40 bc i do


	6. Invite me inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even go to a party and then watch Romeo+Juliet.  
> The typical cliche but things are starting to get interesting ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii y’all!  
> Here’s chapter 6! Hope you like this one :) they’re finally getting their shit together so yay  
> Question: should I end this story now, when everything’s starting to get happy and all? My original plan was for this to be waaaaaay longer with more angst and drama and shit, but let me know what you think!

"I didn't know they were together," Even whispered quietly in Isak's ear. Honestly, neither did Isak. During the years they had all been friends together Eva and Jonas had never expressed even the slightest bit of attraction towards each other. Seriously. Not even a little bit.

"They weren't," Isak whispered back. They were both staring at them for a while when Sonja cleared her throat.

"I honestly feel like I'm in the middle of a Turkish drama series guys," 

Even turned to her at that and frowned a little bit, "what?"

"It's just so fucking messed up you know? like you and Isak both had a crush on Jonas and you hated each other-"

"I didn't hate Isak-"

"I really hated Even,"

"-and now you're like best friends and you're both done with Jonas but now Jonas is dating Isak's other best friend? like what the fuck is this it's so confusing, don't you think?" Sonja shook her head slightly and went back to eating her sandwich.

"She kind of has a point," Even mumbled and turned to face Isak but Isak was still staring at the kissing couple with a sad frown.

"Hey," Even whispered softly and put a hand on Isak's thigh, making Isak finally tear his eyes away and look at Even instead. And okay cool, what the fuck, Even was sitting a little too close. "Are you okay?" Even asked but Isak was too busy staring at Even's full lips to really understand what he was saying let alone reply to him and oh shit why the fuck was he even staring at Even's lips? probably cuz he's sitting too close, Isak thought, he didn't really have anywhere else to look at. But why the hell was he now thinking of Even's lips on-

"Earth to Isak?? Hello?!" and that was what finally snapped Isak out of the crises going on inside his head.

"Huh?" 

"I asked if you were okay? you seem a little shaken up. I know it can’t be easy seeing them together,"

Isak was brought back to reality with that. Right. Jonas and Eva. kissing.

 "Oh don't worry I'm fine. I don't care."

Even narrowed his eyes, "Yeah it doesn't really seem like that. You pretty much dozed out a second ago," What the fuck was Isak supposed to say to that? I was too busy admiring your lips?

"It was just a little weird seeing them together, but I honestly don't care Even," He tried to give Even a reassuring half smile and even if he didn’t believe him he seemed let it go for now. 

“Do you guys wanna do something tonight?” 

”I can’t, I have a date,” Sonja replied with a smirk.

”what? With who?” Even scoffed making Sonja roll her eyes.

”It’s none of your business is it?”

”Guess it’s just you and I then!” Even beamed at him and Isak just had to smile back.

 “Where’s Mikael?” Isak asked, remembering there’s a fourth member in their little group. 

“He went on a trip to Berlin with his German class yesterday, they’re coming back on sunday,” Even said with his mouth full. 

Sonja made a face at him and scrunched her nose. “God Even you’re so disgusting don’t speak with your mouth full,”

”Fuck off,” Even replied, still chewing on his waffles and making Isak laugh and wonder What he ever did to deserve these people. 

 

***

Even decided that they should head to the Bakka party that was apparently being held tonight.

”I don’t even know anyone from Bakka Even,”

”I used to go to there my first year so I know a few people, don’t worry okay? We’ll be fine,” Even had said with a smile. 

 And that’s how Isak found himself outside of Even’s apartment waiting for him to be done with styling his damn hair.

Isak had never been inside of Even’s flat but Even had been to the kollektivet a couple of times already, either because he really needed to piss when he was waiting for Isak to get ready or because Eskild would invite him in.

Even finally appeared, rushing down the stairs and wearing his jean jacket on the way.

“Finally done with the majestic hair?” Isak groaned while rolling his eyes.

“You’ve literally been outside for thirty seconds Isak stop complaining,”

“Yeah but it’s fucking cold couldn’t you just invite me inside?”

Even rolled his eyes this time, “I repeat, it was only thirty seconds. And don’t wait for my invitation next time I suck at these stuff, just invite yourself in,”

They walked side by side in silence for a few minutes and even though they were both probably the two most awkward people on Earth the silence was surprisingly comfortable.

Isak could hear the music pounding even from a few blocks away before they reached the location of the party, Even had got them a six pack and they had some beer on their way so they were both fairly tipsy when they finally arrived to the house. 

It wasn’t even  _that_ late but there were aready people throwing up outside and Isak was already regretting agreeing to come in the first place.

”Even I hate this,”

”Shup up we’re gonna have fun Isak, just stick with me!” 

***

They did not. 

Even went to grab a drink around 10 minutes into the party and he never returned and when Isak went to search for him in the kitchen he was no where to be seen and now he was stuck with some girl who was leaning way too close to him and had been talking non stop for the past 10 minutes.

”-so it really does suck to be a girl, I have to deal with this bra strap until I get home and it’s already killing me!” Her tone was way too loud and obnoxious for Isak’s liking and she was just _too_ close he couldn’t fucking _breathe._

“Anyways, Isak are you here with anybody?”

”yeah actually, Even, he’s-“

”Oh so no girlfriend?” She said with a smile and drew herself impossibly closer to Isak and Isak was in no way claustrophobic but he was really getting stressed by now.

”Uh.. No I’m actually-“ 

“Isak! There you are, where the hell have you been? I’ve been looking for you for like fifteen minutes,”

Isak near let out a cry of relief when he heard Even’s voice from behind. 

“Where the hell have you been?! You said you’d just grab a drink and then you were nowhere to be found,” Isak weakly protested but honestly, he couldn’t care less if Even was here to save him now.

”Sorry, I got into a-“ Even was cut off with the sound of the girl who was STILL way too close to Isak clearing her throat.

”Actually, if you don’t mind, we were in the middle of something here,” She said, glaring at Even. 

Even looked a bit taken aback at that. He stared at the girl for a second, slightly gaping before looking back at Isak.

”Uh, I’m sorry I-” but Isak was quick to interrupt.

“Sorry Ella-“

“Emma,”

“Right, Emma, sorry but I really need to get going okay? You see, Even here is...” he drifted off, not sure what to say for an acceptable excuse when Even came to his rescue.”

“I’m his boyfriend,” wait,  _what?_

 _“_ Uh, _what?”_ Emma voiced his thoughts. It was her turn to look taken aback now.

“Wait you’re gay?” 

Isak was quick to nod and step away from Emma to get closer to Even and Even immediately put a hand on his waist. That actually felt really nice.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that,”

They all fell into an uncomfortable silence and then they started at eachother awkwardly for a couple of seconds before Emma spoke up again.

“So...I’m just gonna...” she awkwardly pointed to her back and started walking backwards with a weird smile until she was out of the kitchen. 

It took Even exactly half a second before he burst into laughter. “Isak what the hell was that?” 

“I don’t even know! She just wouldn’t let go of me! What the hell was _that?”_ Isak pointed at Even’s arm still around his waist.

Even gave him a huge grin and winked, “that, was me rescuing you,” he looked so stupid saying that and Isak couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“Even I hate this, I’m really not having fun here.”

Even’s smile turned into a frown at that. 

“Oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have dragged you here.” 

“It’s fine, but I’m just gonna head home now okay?” 

Even’s frown deepened and Isak fucking hated it, Even was supposed to smile all the time.

“What are you talking about? I’m not gonna let you go home, let’s go back to my place yeah?”

“But don’t you wanna stay?” 

Even smiled again. Good. 

“What’s the point if you’re gonna leave. C’mon let’s go, we’ll watch a movie or something. The night is still young,” He grabbed Isak by the arm and they headed back to Even’s place.

Isak had a really weird feeling in his gut.

This was new.

They were both tipsy and Even had just told someone they were boyfriends and he was still holding on to Isak’s wrist and there was just something about the whole situation.

He knew something would happen if he went over. He just wasn’t sure if he was ready for it yet.

They took a taxi instead of taking the tram back to Even’s flat and it didn’t take  them long before they reached Even’s.

And before he knew it, Isak somehow found himself in Even’s room, laying on his stomach on Even’s bed with Even sprawled next to him. He could feel Even’s heat all over the right side of his body even though they weren’t even touching.

“Are you ready to get wrecked?” Even asked smirking at him.

“You do realize how wrong that sounds right?” Isak asked with a frown.

“Oh I sure do” Even winked at him and pressed play.

Isak tried hard to focus on the film, but he already knew that would be a failed case. 

***

 

He ended up crying and Even ended up making fun of him.

“In my defense the movie was just fucking sad okay?!”

“Oh really? What happened to ‘oh I’m a tough guy I don’t cry over stupid tragic stories Even not everyone’s a 13 year old in the body of a giant’ huh? What happened to that?” Even asked with the biggest possible smile on his face.

“Oh piss off” Isak chuckled and wiped his nose with his sleeve.

Even made a grossed out face at him.

“God you’re disgusting.”

“Am I?” Isak smirked and tried to wipe his sleeve on Even’s face.

“Oh my GOD get off me you disgusting freak!”

“This is what you get for mocking me during the entire movie!” He straddled Even’s waist and somehwere in his mind an alarm started going off but he ignored it and instead started tickling Even’s side with a laugh, it was worth it cuz now Even was laughing and rolling around under him trying to get free.

“Okay I’m- I’m sorry ! You win! Just p-please-“ Even was laughing so hard he couldn’t talk anymore. Isak was laughing too now, Even’s laugh was just contagious.

“Oh what was that? I didn’t quite catch that” Isak smiled and tickled him harder.

“Isak!” Even shrieked. “Please, I hate you so much! Please, stop- oh my god-Isak, please, ahh-”  
Even was now starting to tear up so Isak giggled and finally let go of him.

Even kept laughing for a few minutes until his laughter turned into chuckles and until the chuckles turned into a smile.

Isak was still sitting on top of him smiling back when he realized they probably looked like idiots.

When the fuck did he even get in this position?

He felt his face start heating up so he cleared his throat and was just about to move away when Even gripped his wrists, and pulled him down.

For a terrifying ( or was it really terrifying? ) second Isak thought Even was going to kiss him but Even just pulled him into his embrace and hid his face in Isak’s neck.

“You smell so nice Isak,” he mumbled in his neck, his breath tickling Isak’s ear.  
Isak’s mind started racing, something was going to happen oh god something was going to happen something was going to happen any moment now something-

Even’s lips brushed against his Adam’s apple and Isak’s breath hitched. his heart now beating in his throat right below Even’s lips.

“Is this okay?” Even whispered, his nose nuzzling Isak’s jaw.

“Y-yeah,” Isak whispered back.

Even’s hands moved from his wrists to his waist and he started trailing kisses down Isak’s neck, and before he even knew it Isak was giggling.

Even pulled away with a frown.

“Why are you laughing?” He demanded.

Isak was blushing hard now, still giggling.

“I’m not laughing, I um, I’m kinda ticklish sorry,”

Even groaned at that and threw his back.

“Ughh no I’m gonna stop if you’re going to keep laughing!”

“What do you have against my laugh?!”

“It’s ruining the romantic!”

“What romantic ?!” Isak asked still giggling.

“Ugh forget it then,” Even rolled his eyes and tried to push Isak away.

“Okay okay I’m sorry, I’m not gonna laugh anymore” Isak said while trying to keep a serious face but failed miserably when a smile sneaked its way on his lips again.

Even just stared at him for a second with a very weird expression and licked his lips before attacking his neck again, biting hard with no warning and Isak’s smile turned into a gasp.

He turned his head to the side, giving Even more space to do his work. Even started sucking and licking and Isak couldn't help but let a soft whimper out, which only made Even suck harder on the soft skin right on his pulse, making Isak moan out loud and his eyes roll back in his head.

Even kissed the bruise he’d made once, twice, three times, and finally pulled away, now looking into Isak’s eyes with the same unreadable look.

They were both quiet for a few seconds, the only sounds being both of their hearts beating frantically in their chests until-

“can we kiss?” Even asked softly, voice barely a whisper.

Isak stared at his parted lips, red and swollen, his blue eyes, so very fond and his messy hair, the perfect quiff ruined by Isak’s fist god knows when. Even was truly beautiful.

“Yes, yes we can,” he whispered without looking away from Even’s lips.

Even slowly inched closer, until his lips were hovering right below Isak’s, but paused there. Isak could now feel Even’s breaths on his lips, they were both breathing the same air.

Even stilled there, not moving closer and looking a bit unsure.

So Isak took a deep breath and leaned down, closing the distance and finally pressing their lips together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SKAM austin is airing today finally, Idk wether to be sad bc I JUST WANT THE OG SKAM BACK OKAY or happy bc Julie is directing this one. How do u guys feel?  
> Thanks for reading!


	7. You’re everything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak doesn’t think he can live without love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really sorry that this took me 3 weeks ! I’ve been so fucking busy, being a med student irl is way less fun than it is with Isak in all these fics lol. Here’s a breif summery of the story in case you’ve forgotten:  
> Isak was in love with Jonas, but Jonas had a thing for Even. Following a very bad decision Isak decides to create a tumblr and fake his identity to get closer to Even and find out what’s going on with him and Jonas. He accidentally grows fond of Even along the way. However after finding out that Jonas has been talking shit about him with Even he is heartbroken. Isak and Jonas break up and Even finds out but forgives Isak. They become good friends quickly and finally kiss after a party where Even lies to an intrested Emma that he’s Isak’s boyfriend.

Isak always wondered if it was possible to live without being in love with someone. 

He had been in love with people for as long as he remembered. First, he was in love with the boy from kindergarten who was always mean to him. Although now he wasn’t sure if a five year old kid could ever be in love with anyone, but he stopped loving that mean boy after he hit Isak in the head with a toy. It really hurt. 

He was then in love with his next door neighbor’s daughter. She was fifteen and very kind to him, he wanted to marry her  until he was nine.

He then realized he wasn’t really fond of marrying a girl, so he decided to start liking his classmate Matteo, who was very shy and cute. 

Then came Jonas when Isak turned thirteen. 

Isak wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do if he ever fell out of love with Jonas, there was no one else at school that he wanted to be in love with. There was only Jonas. 

But then Even happened. 

Laying down with his head on Even’s chest, and listening to his steady heartbeat, he wasn’t sure if he was already in love with Even or if he was just too dependent on the idea of love. 

But he was sure that he loved this feeling. 

He loved the feeling of Even’s fingers carding through his hair.

He loved the soft sighs Even would let out every few minutes. 

He loved the feeling of Even’s other hand carresing his arm, and most of all he loved the little soft pecks Even would leave on his lips from time to time. 

It had been a week since they had first kissed eachother and they hadn’t stopped kissing ever since.

Isak could still feel the butterflies when he thought of that first kiss. Even though they’re kisses were just getting better and better. 

 _Isak took a deep breath and leaned down, closing the distance and finally pressing their lips together._ _  
_

_Even’s lips were addictive, Isak just couldn’t get enough of them, he was not ready to let go of this feeling when he was just on the edge of bursting, collapsing, and finally being whole again.  
_

_Even was kissing back as eagerly, licking all over his mouth and pushing his tongue against Isak’s, holding on to the back of his neck for dear life.  
_

_They kissed and kissed and kissed until they were both panting, finally pulling away when Isak’s head was starting to feel dizzy.  
_

_He kept his eyes closed, not ready to be woken up from this daze yet. Until he felt Even smiling against his lips._  
His eyes blinked open and the first thing he saw was blue, staring back into green. He couldn't help but smile back.

_“you taste just as nice as you smell for the record,”  
_

_Isak felt his cheeks flush at Even’s words and Even’s smile just winded, making his eyes crinkle so much they were almost closed.  
_

_Isak leaned in again, unable to resist pressing another kiss to Even’s smiling mouth._

 

Even chose this exact moment to lean down and steal another kiss from Isak’s mouth, one which Isak happily gave him. 

“What are you thinking about?” Even whispered in his hair, giving another kiss to his temple. 

“Just us, I guess,” 

“What about us?”

About what we are, about how I feel, about how _you_ feel.

This week had been calm and great so far. Soft and sweet. Even was beautiful. He kept on caressing Isak’s hair and leaving little kisses all over his face. He’d hold Isak close and he’d whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

Even was beautiful. He made Isak feel beautiful.

The only thing bothering Isak was that he didn’t know what they were. Isak tried asking him, but Even just smiled at him before replying “Right now? two boys who are kissing,” so Isak dropped it, realizing Even didn’t want to talk about it. 

Even never kissed him outside of his apartment. And although Isak wasn’t sure that was something he was ready for, he knew he wouldn’t object to it if Even ever wanted to.

_“I know what you’re thinking, it’s not like I don’t wanna be seen with you, I couldn’t care less about what people think. I just hate how people give themselves the right to talk about us. I don’t want everyone being in our heads constantly, you know what I’m saying?This is none of their business.”_

Even had said when he noticed Isak overthinking it.

“I told Eskild about about us,” Isak mumbled in Even’s shirt, not sure how Even would react to someone else knowing they’re little secret. 

Even’s fingers didn’t stop moving in his hair and he pressed another a kiss to his cheek. He probably didn’t mind then. 

“What did he say?”

“We kind of had an argument,” Isak replied, which was an understatement. 

Esklid had been wondering where Isak had been spending all of his time, so Isak just told him. He was happy for Isak at first, he really was, but then he started questioning him. 

“So are you guys dating now?” Eskild had asked.

“Not really we just, I don’t know, we make out and get eachother off. He says we’re friends who kiss.” He shrugged and looked down again.

Eskild just stayed quiet for a long time.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? Is that bad?”

Eskild took in a deep breath.

“So you’re telling me he fucks you but he doesn’t want anything serious? Are you hearing yourself?”

Isak’s eyes widened. “What no! We don’t- he doesn’t - we don’t have sex! We don’t.” Isak sighed.

“Two horny gay teenagers but no sex? This whole thing is so weird okay,”

Isak sighed again.

They’re little discussion soon turned into Eskild yelling at him that Even was probably just playing him and Isak screaming that there was nothing for Even to play with, it’s not like Isak actually had feelings for him. 

Which was a lie. 

Isak just wanted to shut Eskild up. 

Back to present, Isak was so deep in thought that he almost missed Even’s question.

”huh?”

”I asked, what about? What was the argument about?” Even answered with a chuckle.

“Just bullshit about how, I don’t know, how I shouldn’t catch feelings cuz this isn’t gonna last cuz you’re like playing me, and stuff.”

“And what did you say?”

“Hm?”

“What did you say to him?”

“I told him to fuck off and that - that you’re not playing me.”

Even stayed silent again before chuckling. “Well, he definitely doesn’t expect a high school thing to last forever does he?”

Isak felt his heart freeze.

“What do you mean?”

Even wasn’t playing with his hair anymore.

“I mean, we’re like 17 and 18, how long does he think this is gonna last? Things at this age aren’t supposed to last forever.”

Isak pulled away to look at him but Even was facing the ceiling.

“What are you saying?”

“The truth.” Even still wasn’t looking at him. Isak felt something inside him break.

“Well yeah, shit doesn’t usually last at this age but that doesn’t mean you have to go around thinking about how it won’t last and not even try to make it last,”

“My point is, Why would you even put an effort into something temporary when you know it’s gonna become meaningless and end sooner or later? Do you like getting hurt? Well I don’t. Cuz that’s what happens when you try to make it last.”

His heart was aching, Even wasn’t mean, Even wasn’t heartless, why did it feel like he was purposely crashing his heart then?

“So .. so you’re saying this whole thing- I’m- meaningless?”

Even sighed and looked down.

“That’s not what I said,”

“No but that was what you meant.”

Even didn’t reply this time.  
Isak felt stupid. Hurt and stupid. Unlike what he had told Eskild mid argument, Even did mean shit to him. Even meant so many shits to him but hearing Even say the same things to his face made him feel like a stupid fuck. He was feeling like shit and his eyes were starting to sting and his heart was-

Even finally looked at him. His eyes cold as stone for a moment but they softened almost instantly.

“Hey I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to hurt, the words just came out wrong. I’m sorry okay?”

Isak nodded weakly, Still lying a foot away from Even.

Even sighed again and scooped closer to him, entwining their fingers.

“Of course you’re not meaningless, we’re friends before anything else right? You could never be meaningless to me,”

”Then why would you say all that?”

Even closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. 

“Isak we- it’s been barely two months since the whole thing with Jonas went down and you’re- I’m- I know that this can’t ever be more than a rebound for what you felt for Jonas for years. I know I can never actually mean that much to you. I know I’m not worth it, even my own fucking mother couldn’t stand to deal with me, how can I expect you to? I’m just... saving myself from the pain.”

Isak felt his heart breaking all over again, this time not for himself but for Even.

“Even what? No, I- ”

“please Isak, don’t make promises you can’t keep and I won’t either. But I promise you this, you’re not meaningless. This is not meaningless. This is everything. You’re everything. Right now, you’re everything.”

He whispered and lightly ran his fingertips on Isak’s cheekbone before leaning in and kissing him sweetly on the mouth.

Isak closed his eyes again and let Even hold him, and tried to ignore his brain which was screaming at him that they should have this talk asap, or else there’ll definitely be misunderstandings and someone was bound to get hurt, and Isak really didn’t want that, cuz he was falling. 

He was falling hard.

 

***

Isak went back home the next morning only because he had to, at some point. 

The thought of facing Esklid made him feel like asking Linn to bring him all his stuff to Even’s apartment so he could just live there forever. 

But Linn didn’t even have the energy to lift a single shoebox let alone Isak’s entire room, so that wasn’t really an option. 

He opened the front door trying to be as silent as possible. He knew Eskild was definitely home because it was Sunday morning (noon actually) and he really didn’t need another fight.

And of course, when he opened the door Eskild was already sitting on the couch watching something on his laptop. Of fucking course.

He looked up as he heard the sound of the door opening and stared at Isak in shock for a few seconds, and Isak stood right there and stared back at him before Eskild finally broke the awkward silence with a sob.

“Oh my fucking god Isak, I’m so SO sorry! Isak please- I know you hate me but please Isak you need to know how sorry I am, please you can’t just leave the flat without hearing my explanation first-“

”Eskild what the fuck are you talking about?”

”Are you gonna leave us and go live with Even from now on? I totally understand and respect-“

Isak furrowed his eyebrows in confused.

”what? No Eskild. I’m not leaving anyone. Why’d you think that?”

”you haven’t been answering my texts ever since friday Isak. I almost thought you had already left without me realizing.”

Eskild looked down, looking sad. Isak sighed and walked over to sit on the couch next to him. 

“No Eskild. I’m sorry, I turned my phone off on Friday and I haven’t turned it on since then. I just needed a break from everything,” Isak looked down, feeling quite guilty. Thinking about it now he pretty much overreacted to everything. 

“So you’re not leaving?”

”Of course not. Where would I go? This is my home,”

Eskild let out a sigh of relief and scooped closer to embrace Isak in his arms.

”I’m sorry, I know it wasn’t any of my business. I don’t know Even and I don’t know what’s going on between you two-“

”I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I know you’re only ever looking out for me.”

Isak mumbled in Eskild’s shirt as he pulled away to ruffle Isak’s hair.

”It’s okay baby gay. So, truce?” He lifted his fist.

Isak rolled his eyes before fist bumping him.

”yeah okay, whatever. Truce,”

Isak went to sleep feeling safe and loved. But yet he couldn’t help but think about the whole little speech Even had given him the night before. 

How he refused to meet Isak’s eyes at first. How his eyes were so cold when he finally did. How he thought he had Isak’s feelings all figured out. 

How his eyes sparkled every time they kissed. How he smelled. How soft his skin was. How he held Isak and made him feel like there was nothing wrong with the world. 

How he was so beautiful. 

How Isak loved him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gratulerer med dagen Norge ❤️  
> Tell me what you think of this chapter in the comments :) love u all


	8. I mean it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff fluff fluuufffff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come chat with me on twitter  
> https://twitter.com/emmmm_ma

_Another day, another life_

_Passes by just like mine_

_It's not complicated_

_Another mind, another soul_

_Another body to grow old_

_It's not complicated_

 

_Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?_

_Float down, like autumn leaves_

_Hush now, close your eyes before the sleep_

_And you're miles awa-_

 

 

The song paused abruptly, making Isak pull away from Even. 

It was a school night and Even had insisted that they should go back to his to _study_ which was apparently the code word for ‘let’s make out until we can’t feel our fucking lips’. 

That was how Isak ended up laying on top of Even while he found a suitable playlist on his iTunes Radio and they started making out slowly to Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran. 

But Ed Sheeran’s voice was cut suddenly making the bubble surrounding them snap before they even had time to blink.

”What the fuck Even?”

”I think my wifi just got disconnected,”

”Oh my god why do you have to have a shitty internet connection I can’t believe this,” Isak groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

”Yeah, I admit this is a little awkward-“

”Oh my GOD Even, shut up!”

Even let out an amused chuckle while Isak proceeded to hide his face in Even’s chest.

”I can confirm that this has always been one of my worst nightmares,” Even let out an startled laugh as Isak mumbled in his chest.

”Are you serious?!”

”Making out to a song but the music stopping so suddenly? You’re lying if you say this hasn’t haunted you ever since you hit puberty,”

Even was laughing and Isak just needed to see his face because he always looked so beautiful when he laughed, so he pulled away and looked down at Even, who’s eyes were almost closed with how wide his smile was, and Isak just had to smile back. 

“You’re so cute when you laugh,” he could have been wrong but he could swear Even’s cheeks heated up a little.

”you’re cute all the time,”

Isak just grinned down at him like an idiot and Even grinned back. 

“I love it when you smile,” Even said, looking up into Isak’s eyes fondly.

”Awwwww he’s blushing,” Even beamed as Isak avoided his eyes and shifted his gaze to the ceiling.

”Shut up, don’t change the subject,”

”Baby what subject? There was so subject,”

“Ughhhhh!” Isak groaned and hid his face in Even’s neck. He was so soft. Isak wished he could live in the space between Even’s neck and his shoulder. 

Even lifted his hands and put one his back, and the other one on the back of his neck, pulling him even closer.

They just laid there breathing eachother in for a while before Isak spoke again.

“How come you don’t live with your parents?”

“How come you don’t?”

“I asked first.”

Isak could feel Even’s smile as he pressed his lips to his hair.  
  
“It’s actually a long story.”

“We have time, unless of course, you don’t want to tell me, which I understand.”

Even shook his head.

“No it’s not that. Are you sure you can bear me rambling for half an hour?”

Isak smiled and pecked him on the lips again.

“Baby you’re always rambling about random shit I think I’m used to it by now,”

Even smacked his head and groaned.

“Always a fucking dick.”

“Yeah but I’m your dick.”

They were both silent for a second before Isak realised what he had said and Even was already laughing hysterically.

“Oh my GOD that sounded so much better in my head.”

“That was fucking GOLD oh god who even are you?!”

Even was still laughing and Isak wanted to face palm into infinity.

“Stop laughing at me you’re changing the subject again!” He tried to pull away but Even dragged him right back into his arms.

“You’re the most precious thing in the world you know that?” Even now beamed at him and Isak beamed back.

“Yeah I’ve been told.”

They were both silent for a second again, before Even started speaking.

“My childhood was actually one of those shitty ones you always see on TV. I don’t have a dad, He died when I was 5 years old. I think I’ve already told you that right? It was so fucking hard on both me and my mom. I was closer to him than to my mom so when he died I was kind of left alone. My mom took it much harder than I did, sometimes she would cry all day and wouldn’t leave her room, sometimes she wouldn’t talk to me for days, which was even worse for me cuz it felt like I had lost both of my parents at the same time.

“My mom didn’t have a job, and suddenly so much weight was on her shoulders so she kind of gave up. After a year or two the money dad left us finally finished and I was forced to go and live with my grandparents until mom found a stable job. She did eventually, and I moved back in by the time I was 8, but she was cold. She wouldn’t talk much and she’d barely look at me. Grandma said it was because I looked too much like my father.

“Living with her was so hard, I wanted to move back in with my grandparents again but suddenly my grandma died, and so did my grandpa after just a month. Mom said it was because of the pain of her wife’s loss. After their death mom was left broken again but not as bad as she was when dad passed away. I was bullied at school and I would come back home bruised and bloody and she wouldn’t even ask me what happened, she’d take a glance at me and sigh before looking away again.

“She was the first person I came out to. I told her I was gay and all she said was ‘good for you’. I mean at least that didn’t make her dislike me more. I don’t think she even cared enough to give me a huge reaction at that point. I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was 15, and I moved out by the time I was 16,she didn’t really care, once again, and she moved to Copenhagen short after that. She does visit once or twice a year. I’ve been living on my own for about 3 years now. She transfers money every month and checks up on me occasionally, but we’re not close at all. I haven’t seen her in 7 months now. She hates me and I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever understand

“And that’s the story of why I don’t live with my parents.” Even finished with a sigh and let his eyes fall shut.

Isak was staring at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly gaped.

“I’m so sorry Even, that’s terrible. I’m sorry if it brought up any sad memories, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

Even opened his eyes again to look at him, and the look in his eyes was unreadable. He stared at him with the expressionless look for a few moments until his lips twitched up into a soft smile.

“You can never make me sad,”

It was now or never, Isak thought. They needed to have this conversation at some point.

"uh...Even?"

"Yeah?"

Isak inhaled a deep breathe. "Do you... remember when we-we I... first talked to you on... Tumblr?"

"I really didn't need to be reminded of that right now Isak, I really didn't ,"

"I know I know, I just, you never believed me back then when I told you that it was never my intention to get any information out of you so I could use it against you or anything, I really never meant to do that,"

"Isak, it's long over now, we really don't need to talk about it-"

"I know Even, but... do you believe me now?" Isak sat up to be able to look at Even properly, and this would have been an interesting position if they hadn't been in the middle of an important conversation, with Isak's legs on either side of Even's waist.

Even was quiet for a few long moments, staring up at Isak who had his heart in his throat, before finally-

"Yeah, yeah I believe you,"

Isak finally let out a shaky exhale and tried to pull himself together, cuz here came the important part.

"Then I also want you to believe me when I tell you this-"

"Isak-"

"No, let me finish would you? I want you to believe me when I tell you that this is not a rebound for me, you are not a distraction Even, you are not someone I'm using to get my mind off of Jonas, he's not even in my mind. Even I care for you so much and this means so much to me, and I'm with you because...because I love you. I love you Even, and not just the idea of having someone. I love you and not only the feeling I have when I'm with you. I love you, because you are you, and who you are is one of the loveliest people I have ever met. and I need you to believe that, okay?"

he was out of breath by the time he was done, and he couldn't breathe afterwards, because Even was staring up at him with wide eyes, not saying a word.

seconds turned into minutes and Even was still not saying anything.

"Even?" Isak managed to squeak out with a shaky voice and that seemed to snap Even back into reality.

"you.. you love me?"

Isak nodded hysterically, curls bouncing.

"But I'm... I'm not Jonas,"

"Even did you not hear the speech I gave you about how I love you because of who you are?"

To say that Even looked confused was an understatement.

"but-you can't- why would you love me?"

Isak honestly expected Even to grin at him and tell him he loved him back, but he supposed this was a kind of reaction too.

"because you are beautiful, inside and out. because you are kind. and compassionate. and you make me feel loved and safe, because whenever you smile I feel like my body is on fire Even, because you have a beautiful soul."

"I'm fucked in the head Isak-"

"I don't care what you are Even. Whatever it is, it's a part of you, and I love all of you." He cupped Even's face with his hands and wiped away the tears that had started streaming down his face and neck somewhere mid conversation.

"I love you," he whispered quietly as he leaned closer to Even and rubbed their noses together.

"do you really mean it?" Even whispered back.

"yes. yes I mean it."

Even finally gave him a wet smile and circled his arms around him and crashed his body against his own.

Even held him like he would die if he ever let go.

 

***

"I love you too," Even whispered later that night when they were both drifting off to sleep.

"I mean it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOMEONE TELL ME WETHER ISAK IS SHAY OR TYLER. I AM SO CONFUSED. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?


End file.
